Critical Chicken
E3 2021NewsMonday, 14th June 2021 by

In Tweets: Xbox & Bethesda did not “win E3”

Yo, it’s ya boi Mike, recapping Matthew’s live Tweets of last night’s Xbox & Bethesda Games Showcase!!! (Imagine there are airhorns.)

And we are LIVE with #XboxBethesda at #E32021! Let’s see what guns, sports, and glitches we get today! 😅

Welp, it’s #Starfield to start. It looks… like a generic space game?

Also super disappointed to see Creation Engine still being used as well… ☹️ #XboxBethesda #E32021

The show opened with Bethesda’s Starfield, which finally got a proper showing after being announced at E3 2018. And… yeah. There’s a space dude. He goes to space. I totally agree about it being generic — although we haven’t seen any proper gameplay yet, so I guess we’ll see?

Also, can we retire the “everything in space is gunmetal grey with yellow accents” aesthetic now, please?

Ok, #Stalker2. I have to admit, Stalker has never been on my radar, and there ain’t much in this trailer to bring it there now 🤷‍♂️Is it a shooter? Horror game? Survival/crafting thing? Who knows – here’s some people nattering around a campfire #XboxBethesda #E32021

Co-op open world something… That didn’t really tell us anything, thanks #Contraband #XboxBethesda #E32021

There were a bunch of trailers that didn’t really give any indication of what their games were about, too, like the one for Stalker 2: Heart of Chernobyl (monsters; shooting; Russian guys sitting around a campfire).

And the one for Contraband, which showed shots of a tape recorder, a map, and a red… crate? And a mechanic. And is that the old Microsoft logo from the 70s?! What are we supposed to glean from this?!

Is anyone actually excited about this? Is Contraband anyone’s “game of show”? The mind boggles.

Ah, #SeaofThieves Does anyone still play Sea of Thieves? 🤷‍♂️

Oh god, it’s a Pirates of the Carrbiean tie in… 🤦‍♂️

Meanwhile, Captain Jack Sparrow is coming to much-maligned pirating sim Sea of Thieves, which… huh. Are there enough Sea of Thieves or Pirates of the Caribbean fans for this to be worth Microsoft’s time?

Tbh I still can’t think about Captain Jack without thinking about Johnny Depp; and I still can’t think about Johnny Depp without picturing Amber Heard (allegedly) doing a revenge poo in their marital bed. Which is more my problem than Microsoft’s, but still. It’s a problem.

So, at this point, Mike genuinely ran out of enthusiasm and wandered off, so… Matthew here for the rest of the article.

That’s not Bill Nighy – 0/10 IGN #SeaofTheives #XboxBethesda #E32021

Let’s talk more about Pirates of the Caribbean for a sec, OK? Bill Nighy was the best thing about Pirates, and the fact he hasn’t come back as Davy Jones is the biggest disappointment I never thought I’d get from E3.

I can just imagine this pitch meeting: “The market isn’t oversaturated with enough battle royales yet, we need to get in on the action!”

All credit though, on the fly weapon customisation does look cool. #BATTLEFIELD2042 #XboxBethesda #E32021

And then we were shunted into a gameplay trailer for Battlefield 2042 which, you guessed it, is a battle royale! Woo.

We also got a few looks at some smaller-studio games, including a Minority Report-esque game — Twelve Minutes — where you’re arrested for the future murder of your father.

Then, we were treated to some updates about Bethesda’s two biggest IPs. And what did they choose to reveal, dear readers?

Blah blah blah, ESO still exists, Fallout 76 gets the Pit DLC from Fallout 3. This isn’t exactly the exciting stuff I would have liked to have seen from Bethesda’s two biggest IPs #XboxBethesda #E32021

At least there’s still plenty more time for them to change that!

Fallout 76 and The Elder Scrolls Online still exist.

Oh, and the former is getting the DLC from Fallout 3. Hope you’re happy.

Another selection of smaller games were thrown our way amid a dizzying slideshow of “Play it Day One on Xbox Game Pass” title cards. We had the totally-not-a-Limbo-clone Somerville, and Party Animals — the wet dream of someone who played Gang Beasts and thought, “This could use more anthro-animals.”

Then Halo Infinite! The big one! Microsoft’s cash cow, ever since the original Xbox! The hype was palpable! The invisible crowd would’ve been going wild, had it existed.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, FREE TO PLAY MULTIPLAYER HALO INFINITE!? I can already smell the microtransactions #HaloInfinite #XboxBethesda #E32021

I consider the original #Halo trilogy as some of the best games of all times. And yet nothing I’ve seen so far can make me excited about #HaloInfinite #XboxBethesda #E32021


Slime Rancher 2 was the first time I actually felt anything other than “meh” during this showcase — I practically jumped out of my chair and screamed “holy hell, it’s so cute!”

We were then presented with a super cooky and fun trailer for Atomic Heart, some of the best-looking pixel art I’ve ever seen in Replaced (like, seriously, it’s gorgeous), and a stellar trailer for the utterly un-stellar Grounded’s new Shroom & Doom Update.

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaamn son, them’s some pretty rocks and trees!

Oh, there’s cars as well I guess #ForzaHorizon5 #XboxBethesda #E32021

The Outer Worlds 2 made a surprise appearance with a wonderfully self-aware trailer, and we got some of the best-looking gameplay footage ever from Microsoft Flight Simulator and Forza Horizon 5 (seriously, dem rocks, man).

Finally, we got treated to Redfall, a super-fun-looking, open-world, co-op vampire shoot-‘em-up developed by Arkane, which I am 100% on board for.

And that was it for Xbox/Bethesda, in what was a generally underwhelming mass of trailers interspersed with a few moments of joy. Let us know what games you’re looking forward to from the showcase, and what you thought of Xbox/Bethesda’s meagre attempt to impress.

We’re not on Twitter any more, but we managed to dredge these old Tweets up from the depths of the internet.

E3 2021News